Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
