We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
