I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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