your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
