You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
