I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
