why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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