It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
