I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
