On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
