How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
