Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
