going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
