Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
