i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
