why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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