either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
