I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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