It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
