As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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