I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
