I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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