Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
