If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
