actually, I'm a sock model
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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