When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
