Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
