Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
