So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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