I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
