what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
