Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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