I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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