people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
