i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
