if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
