38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
