i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
