ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
