I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
