If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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