Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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