Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
