Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
