sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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