this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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