You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
