I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
