its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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