i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
