dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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